11 - I want to be a walking contradiction. Am I a terrible person?

I want to be a woman named Kaitlyn. I own two golden retrievers and make it to my spin classes with 15 minutes to warm up and greet the staff. They always know my name; I’m one of their regulars. They drop free classes into my account because I bring them bagels on busy Sunday mornings. I drop my two blue-eyed children off at school and head to breakfast with my friend Stacey. We met at a book club for moms in the town. We eat granola bowls and talk shit about our husbands. She threatens to divorce hers, but I know she won’t. Not when the size of her ring takes my breath away every time I glance down at her manicured fingers, swirling her almond milk latte, making sure the stevia is evenly distributed.

I want to be a woman named Cindy. I substitute at the local high school for fun. It’s not like I need the money; god knows I don’t, but I get easily bored, and my husband agreed I should find something to entertain myself so I don’t resort to suicide. I guess he doesn’t want to arrive home and find my body dangling from the banister, his Christmas ties in a makeshift rope (because who has rope lying around their house these days? We’re not animals) taught tight against my broken neck. I have three kids who are all up in Connecticut. At Hotchkiss. I’m so proud of them; you’d know that since I post about their achievements daily on my Facebook page. Anna was just awarded Honors in Math, Tyler led his hockey team to glory in the finals, and Brody is taking his third language - German. I’m learning to knit.

I want to be a woman named Harriet. I went to Dartmouth, so I know I’m better than many of my town's women. Most met their husbands at large state schools, but I met mine post-grad when I was getting my master's, and he was working on Wall Street. We’re both workaholics, me with my writing and him with his whatever he does. I don’t ask. I have two best sellers; the first is a murder mystery in a neighboring town. My second is a classic romance where two twenty-somethings meet during a wedding weekend on Nantucket. They fall in love while sipping Crew-cumbers and nibbling on lobster rolls. The women in my town love that one; they tell me it makes them feel young again.

I want to be a woman named Margaret. I divorced my first husband long ago and had a few after him, but none of them ever stuck. I spend my days at my new boyfriend's home in Norwalk. We browse the shops in town, and when I point at something particularly shiny, he practically runs inside to get it for me. I grew up horseback riding, so I spend time at the barn to groom the horses and relive my glory days. I won a lot of trophies back then. I’m good friends with Martha Stewart. Oh, did I mention the horses are at her barn?